Crime Scene


It’s the first day of summer break, and I need to report a crime. I can’t really say when it happened. I feel like I am a pretty observant person, but whoever did it was pretty darn sneaky.

Someone stole my babies, and replaced them with grown up man-boys. That’s right. I now have these three, tall, deep voiced, broad shouldered,nearly men-type creatures living in my house. Where did they come from? They can’t possibly be the pink squishy babies I birthed. The sweet innocent toddlers that giggled when I tickled their tummies and tiny feet. There is not a tiny foot among them now. There are just giant feet. Giant, smelly feet…with giant smelly shoes that I trip over all around the house. They shave, and wear deodorant…not as much or as often as they should…but it’s a start. They say things like…”Mom, can I use the car” and “Mom, can my girlfriend come over” and “Mom, can I go to such and such concert”….all in a very deep voice.

I haven’t decided how I feel about these “halflings” yet. I mean, it’s definitely nice that they can kind of take care of themselves. I say that in the loosest way it can be said of course. I’ve managed to teach them how to do their own laundry…a feat I am very proud of, and I hope my future daughter -in-laws thank me profusely…but one of them still has no clue how…make macaroni and cheese.   I know, pathetic. This is basic college survival, and he is going into his senior year of high school! I better get into gear on that one!  On the other hand, I am fully certain I could drop my youngest son off in the woods with nothing but a knife and a piece of string and he would be totally fine for weeks. He can build snares, trap animals, forage for food, find shelter, make fire. He’s freaking George of the Jungle. But balance a checkbook? Good communication skills? Who needs that? Aye Aye Aye!

My point is…I blinked, and 10 years passed by. The school year ended yesterday. My oldest is going to be a senior. A SENIOR. Lets let that one sink in for a moment. I have one more year with that kid before I can’t threaten to kick him out anymore. He can actually leave on his own. This moment seemed so far away for so long. And now we are one year away. I feel like I have so much to teach him in this year. And you know what stinks? This is the year he is probably not going to want to hear it. Dang.