Where in the world is Blah Blah Beki? I’ve been asking myself that all day. Blah…..Blah….. That is exactly how I have felt today, as I sat around doing pretty much nothing. I found myself asking, Where are you? Where have you been lately? What happened to those goals you set at the beginning of the year? Not resolutions, people break those…but the easily attainable goals? 1. Write 3 times a week 2. Walk/run 3 times a week 3. Family dinners 3 times a week I’m seeing a pattern there. A lot of 3’s. Maybe that was my problem. In baseball, a pattern of 3’s means you are out. Did I strike out before I even started? How can that be? Blah. The new year is not a total wash. There have been some new ventures, projects and excitements. Theater: I got cast in a new show, which was exciting.  I was ready for a new project.  Then the show got cancelled before it even got into rehearsals due to an unforeseen illness of the director. I  also got cast in a Fringe show, but alas, I have to turn it down because I will most likely be traveling during Fringe to attend my niece’s wedding. ( no show/sad, wedding/good) …..but before you start feeling sorry for me….. I will be singing with four other very talented singers at a Benefit Concert/Variety Show on March 29th! I am looking forward to being on the stage again, and especially with some good friends! Great duets, group numbers, and lots of fun! Work: I started a new job last month. It seems to be right up my alley, but I am still getting to know the company. I am doing product demonstration/sales. It combines my acting...

in·spi·ra·tion ˌinspəˈrāSHən/ noun 1. the process of being mentally stimulated to do or feel something, esp. to do something creative.   I have been in search of inspiration lately. I feel as if I have lost my creative spark.  I am not sure if inspiration is something you can actually look for, and find…or if it has to come to you. Like a gift. Writer Jack London said, “You can’t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.”  I find that visual to be a tad bit barbaric. I picture a big burly lumberjack type person stomping through the woods with a club, sweeping the brush aside. When thinking about the places I usually find inspiration, a gentler hand would be necessary. I am inspired by nature.  Sitting quietly while the wind rustles through the trees.  Watching a sunset. Listening to the birds welcome a new morning. I am inspired by connection. A gentle touch. A warm hug. An intimate conversation. Quality time with good friends. I am inspired by music. The soothing tones of an acoustic folk song. Lyrics that speak to my soul. Well blended harmonies. Sometimes something a little harder with a strong driving beat.   Well Jack, I must admit, I think I have been waiting for inspiration to fall into my lap. I haven’t written anything in ages. I open up my computer, stare at my blog, and nothing comes. In the past, words would just flow out of my fingers. I use to hear poems in my head and I would race to the keyboard to get them down. Now, I not only have nothing to say, I can’t even make up interesting things to say!   I think I may have to take Jack...

There is often a calm after a storm. A moment when the rain stops. The wind ceases from blowing, and the air is still for a moment. If you stand and watch, you can see the moment when the clouds begin to separate, allowing the sun to creep back into the sky. It’s rays only illuminate a small area at first. Like a spotlight. If you are lucky, you are in the spotlight and you can feel it’s warmth. Right now, I am feeling the warmth. For the past few months I have been standing outside in the storm. That’s the thing with storms. Sometimes they are alluring, and you almost can’t avoid the urge to stand amidst them. There are parts of them that are beautiful though, and you want to stand in the rain and feel their power. Other parts of them are overwhelming, and sometimes, the storm feels like it will go on forever. My storm consisted of the whirlwinds of life. Being a part of the show Lizzie Borden was an amazing experience, one I would never trade. It did, however, take a lot of my time and energy. This was a standing in the rain experience. Selling our home and going through the packing and moving process was much less enjoyable. It was overwhelming. Draining. Exhausting. This part of the storm, at times, felt like it would go on forever. Then, there were parts of the storm that were so arduous I would rather not relive them in words on a page. In those times, you tighten your grip, and pray you don’t get blown away. Each of these things, on their own, I could have possibly handled with greater ease. Together, they created the perfect storm. Now, as...

I got to take a nap yesterday. When I woke up, it was 10:45. A.M. I’m not sure what that says about you when a nap is needed by 9:00 in the morning. Actually, I do. It means you have been living in a whirlwind for the past few weeks and your body has finally said…I need a break! The past several weeks have been a little hectic for me, but I have loved (almost) every minute of it. Lizzie Borden The Musical opened last weekend, with rave reviews I might add. Opening weekend is always an exciting time, albeit a bit exhausting. Especially when you are coming out of a week of 10 hour a day tech rehearsals. Those were preceded by weeks of regular rehearsals, of course. On top of the opening of a show, my children also started school. Hello 5:30 a.m. alarm. I have not missed you. It didn’t take too long for my internal alarm clock to kick back into gear either. That little ticker is quite the over achiever, let me tell you. My actual alarm clock never even GETS to do it’s job! And if ALL THAT wasn’t enough. We put our house on the market. BAM!  Just like that. It was something we had been talking about doing for a while. Simplifying. Finding the areas in our life where we can just….reduce. So, we pulled the trigger. That was a shot I definitely felt. The sting didn’t last long though. It’s amazing how the threat of strangers coming into your home to look around and judge whether it’s “good enough” or not will push you out of your mourning period and into action mode.   ACTION MODE: Rehearsals. Memorizing. School. Packing lunches before I’m awake. More...

Why must I deny myself from thy good grace I do what I hate and I hide my face You have provided a way to return yet I turn away, my lessons not learned Denial is easy to an audience of one I’m in a web not easily undone I break free, feel sun on my skin Only to fail, and fall right back in Pull me from this quicksand before I drown the grip is heavy, it’s pulling me...